so i am all packed..two more days!! so excited..Todd and Brenda still haven't figured out what i will do in TX..i mean really!! 

i spent 1000 on the presents for Brenda, Kelsey, Aly and Todd's family!  man...i am so freaking broken!!!

so i got the visa!! had the interview at 9 am and it went well...he didn't ask much..he asked about how i met Clay, my job, the reason why i go there and blah..anyway, i was nervous at the begining but kinda just left it to God and PRAISE HIM!!! He granted me the visa!! however, i wasn't very happy about it b/c i knew that my parents are going to make me go to the temples to thank them! What the in world?  I hate this!! i hate it so much...why am i being so weak and being a coward!! i just can't stand firm in Lord and i always let Him down...how long do i have to live this life?? i hate myself!!  so anyway, i wasn't very happy the whole day.

me being home is weird...i still don't like being at home but i don't like living by myself either...it is just lonely....and there are so much troubles living by myself...

i just realized that i will spend a lot before i actually get paid...it is not smart but i gues that's worth trying..hopefully...

Cindy told me to try something new first and come back to teach if i don't like the other jobs...out of sudden, she kinda changed my mind..what's wrong with me? i don't have a goal....my life is a puzzle to me know..i don't even know what i want for myself!!

alright, i will have an interview with my dad's friend at his school at 17:30 and i really hope that i will be able to get it and try to find more classes to teach here and find an apartment and a scooter and just get settled down here...live by myself !!!

i came back from my grandparents and i am so happy that i am not with them....my grandma is just a terrible person...she is mean to me and i just hate her..not hate her..i just wish that i don't have to see her ever again....she wants to hurt people and she does it intentionally and my grandpa is always on her side..i don't get it....and my dad and my mom are like we have to obey her so we are filial to her...what the heck??!!!  if my grandma is just being a terrible person, why should we stil obey her crap and always listen to her?? it doesn't matter if she is my grandma or not...she is mean to everyone and she always gets a way out of it...why??  this is a sick thing in Taiwan... i hate being a taiwanese...

so i was there for two days..i thought i would've been there for more but i just really coudn't stand my grandma anymore and the way they live their lifes...go to bed at 10, get up at 4, lunch at 10, shower at 4, dinner at 5...where are they from exactly???

so anyway, my dad told me that he has my passport and i am hoping that i will get the invitation from Clay before i have the visa interview....first time i hate usa so much....why can i not go to states just b/c i just got outta the military and i don't have a job!!! i will still try it anyway b/c it is clay's wedding...and i've been waiting for an year ....

i will leave for Taipei until monday morning for the 280 thing...it is so cheap...why not..i need to save up...

I've got really angry lately b/c all the talking and wedding stuff.. lots of stupid butt tradition taiwanese think of and create that my parents want to follow and stuff...do they really have a brain??

my dad asked me to clean up the house b/c the wedding is tmr and it needs to be looked neat and simple...i hate cleaning the house...i love cleaning but not cleaning all the mess he puts in the house...lots of useless stuff he bought that never uses it EVEN ONCE....my dad really has a problem....i think he probably has at least 100 bottle of wines he doesn't even drink and 50 torches in the stocking room....what in the world is happening to my dad???  anyway..i did clean and feel great throwing two bags of his useless stuff away...will do that more and more...and i will rearrange my closet later after my grandma is done with her nap....

Maya is coming to taipei tmr to celebrate new year with me...yay!! i love her so much..even i don't know what love is but i want to spend every moment with her and just looking at her will make me happy....but i am sooo afraid i will let her down and i am not good enough to be her bf....i am so sick of hiding re/ship from my parents... i wish i could tell everyone that she is my love and get the bless from them...but i know it ain't gonna happen...can't wait to leave home...

so i got Edmund this time.  He was so pissed off by the yelling and stuff but he is just smart enough to realize what was going to happen to him.  however, he still doesn't know that we would throw water on him!!! hahahah!  i was wet too.  Dang it!  hope he won't revenge me.  well, he will do something on my bday for sure so just bring it on!  i've called Maya for 2 days and gosh my phone bill this month will be so huge.  i think i need to cut it down but she keeps messaging me and it is just impossible for me not to message her back.  i wanna talk to her and hear her sweet voice.  why am i in Taipei?  But what would happned if i were in Kaohsiung with her?  aiyo..this bothers me a lot.

i found out i have a thing near my nipple and it hurts when i touch it.  hope it's not a tumor or anything dangerous.  i am going to the hospital to check that out.  wanna spend some time with God and pray for the check up!

i love you not only for what you are but for what i am when i am with you

i love you not only for what you made of yourself but for what you are making of me

i love you for the part of me what you bring out

i had a fight with Edmund again.  Gosh! he is such a jerk.  so selfish and overbearing.  i don't think he is kinda friend that would last forever.  he is very disrespectful to people and always thinks of himself first and lies to people.  He always complains about how busy he is and how other people always have nothing to do and he works like a dog which is so not true!!! Either he just doesn't know how to use his time or he is just envious about people taking things slowly.  i am not mad at him now but just i don't really wanna get any closer to him anymore!  he is very dangerous person!!

I love the song "i've decided to follow Jesus" from Third Day 
I will put on the lyrics soon!

Later friends. God bless yall.

i went to the Sushi Bar with my dad and my sister for lunch and it was very nice tho we kinda finished it in about 30 mins and that's quick!  it wasn't that expensive either!  i like the place there b/c it feels great.  i like to have my own space.

i miss talking to maya.  we had so much laugh the other day while we talked and she kept laughing all the time and i love the way she laughed.  i guess we will really meet when she comes to taipei.  don't know what's gonna happen to us!

I love you friends!